Unmatchmakers
by Jakia
Summary: Lt. Jee and several other soldiers decide to get their fortune told, only to find out that their own Prince Zuko is going to fall for a Waterbender! Now, it’s a race against time and fate as the solders try to stop this from happening! [zutara humor]
1. The Fortune

Authors Notes: I can't help it! Plot bunnies, GO AWAY! I said GO AWAY NOW! I HAVE TOO MUCH OTHER STUFF TO BE WORKING ON RIGHT NOW!

Alas, it never listens to me.

BTW, all of my OC aren't exactly OC's. They are based off of actual people in the show. I even got screen caps of all of them.  
http/img. akia/jiro.jpg  
http/img. akia/taro.jpg  
http/img. akia/shenpic.jpg  
http/img. akia/549.jpg

...at least Jee's canon. :)

Summary: After stopping by a pleasant little Earthbending town, Lt. Jee and several other soldiers decide to get their fortune told, only to find out that their own Prince Zuko is going to fall for a Waterbender! Now, it's a race against time (and fate) as the soldiers try to save their melancholy Prince and the Fire Nation as a whole by stopping the romance before it even happens. Can they do it? Find out! zutara; humor-not to be taken seriously

**"Un"-matchmakers **

**Chapter One: The Fortune **

It sounded so _silly_ coming from Prince Zuko.

"You want to get your _fortunes_ told!" The brave soldier who dared to ask the surly Prince quivered in his boots. "I'll give you a fortune! How about you help me find the Avatar instead of goofing---"

"Prince Zuko," The Prince's pleasant Uncle said calmly, resting his hand on his nephew's shoulder. "We have not seen any sign of the Avatar for several weeks. The men are getting restless. Let them go have some fun while we are still on land."

Zuko scowled. "Fine, but don't take all day!" He growled loudly. And then, when the men began to leave the ship, he called after them, "Keep your eyes open for any sign of the Avatar! Any little clue could lead us to him."

There was a pause.

"And bring me back some soup!"

…

"What kind, sir?"

Another pause. The Prince seemed to be genuinely thinking it over.

"Egg-drop."

"Yes sir. Will do, sir."

Again the teenage Prince had made it seem so silly, he had no belief in such things. Maybe they _shouldn't_ have believed the stories the villagers told, but, Great Agni, they were tired of being so serious! Even if all the fortuneteller told them was worthless and untrue, it would at least give them something to laugh at.

That's what Jee kept telling himself over and over again as he followed the group who wanted to go see the fortuneteller. There were roughly twelve people; three were girls and the rest of them men, all of which were gossiping and frolicking amongst themselves peacefully. No one paid him any mind, which was good. The less embarrassment he got over this, the better---

"Oh, Lieutenant Jee! Do you want to have your fortune read as well?" The Lieutenant blushed.

"I was considering it, yes."

"Well good! You can come with us." The girl soldier---he recognized her as Hikari—grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the rest of the group. "We're splitting up into two groups, that way we don't overwhelm the fortuneteller and the other group can go get Prince Zuko's soup."

He nodded. "That makes sense." He looked over; trying to tell whom all was in his 'group'. There was Hikari, of course, and then there was Taro, a young and passionate Firebender who was extremely overzealous about his loyalty to the Fire Nation. It surprised Jee greatly to see him along side these fortune-seekers. Shen, well, he had been with Jee when he first found out of the Prince's fate during that awful storm. The heavy-set warrior was proud and playful, so it surprised Jee none to know that he was here. Then Jiro, the helmsmen…Well, _that_ poor man probably was there for the same Jee was. To get a break from the Prince, a nice, strong drink, and to humor himself with whatever the fortuneteller told. Daisuke, a younger man who recently joined the Prince's crew after the Siege of the North, had come from a family of Fire Nation gypsies, and would naturally believe in things such as fortunetellers, seeing as his family did that for a living.

Jee also noticed (but wasn't very surprised at) that outside of himself, Jiro, and Shen, everyone else was young---in their middle-to-early twenties. Daisuke might've been older, but Jee doubted it.

"I didn't realize you believed in fortune-telling, Jee." Shen said with a bit of an awry smile.

"Shut up, Shen."

"I need a drink," Jiro said, walking beside Jee. "Really, really bad. Are we going to get drinks, then?"

"No, Jiro, we're getting our fortune's read." Shen said. "Then we'll get drinks."

"Lots of drinks, maybe?" The helmsman asked hopefully.

"We'll see about that after we talk to the fortuneteller, Jiro."

The group traveled in companionable silence for about three minutes. And that was being generous. It was probably actually more like two.

Maybe only one.

_Okay,_ it was actually a half a minute. Forgive me for trying.

"Well, I know what _I'll_ ask the fortuneteller when we see her."

"What's that, Jiro?"

The older helmsman gave Jee the wiliest of smiles. "I'll ask her where the best drinks are, of course."

Jee gave Jiro a hearty laugh. The not-quite closet alcoholic was _always_ good for a laugh or two. How he's managed to stay in the military as long as he has always amazed Jee. Maybe it was because, no matter how drunk the helmsman was, he could steer a ship like no tomorrow.

"I can't believe you!" A haughty voice from behind the trio called out. "You're going to see a world-famous fortuneteller, and your going to ask her _where the best drinks are_!"

Ah, Taro. Such a young and fiery fire…er, bender. Reminded Jee a lot of Prince Zuko, actually. So very passionate and loyal and all.

Made Jee want to hit him.

"Of course. What _else_ am I suppose to ask her? Who my soul mate is?" the helmsman gave a harsh laugh to his younger.

"I am." Hikari said quietly, catching up to where everyone else was walking. Daisuke laughed.

"You're a _girl_, Hikari, so you're allowed to ask such foolishness." He smiled kindly. "The rest of us ask such things and we'll get laughed at."  
"I can't believe you! All of you!" Taro growled. "You're asking her for silly, frivolous things! You should be focusing on more important things!"

Shen rolled his eyes. "Like what, Taro?"

The boy gave a haughty glare. "The fate of the Fire Nation, of course! How could you be so selfish?"

Jiro smirked. "Well, now that I know that your going to ask her such an _important_ question, I won't feel guilty about asking her where the best drinks were."

Jee let out a low chuckle. Trust Jiro to put the young Firebender in his place. Kids knew no respect these days.

"What are you going to ask about, Jee?" Daisuke asked curiously.

Jee frowned and paused, giving the question a lot of thought. "Probably about the fate of my family." He said, thinking back to his wife and two children he left behind back in the Fire Nation. He wanted to see them _so_ badly. His oldest was probably full grown already; she had been eleven when he left five years ago. He never imagined he would be gone for so long.

Daisuke put a comforting hand on Jee's shoulder. "I'm sure she'll have good news for you, then."

Jee raised his eyebrow. "What makes you think that?"

Daisuke shrugged. "Gut feeling, I suppose."

The fortuneteller had been a good idea after all. Usually she saw people individually, but they were in something of a hurry, she saw them all at once. She seemed not to care that they were Fire Nation, which surprised Jee greatly. Usually people saw that they were from the enemy nation and ran screaming in the other direction. Those who didn't ended up fighting them. The ones who didn't run or fight usually treated them unkindly.

The fortuneteller did none of the above. Instead, she welcomed them into her home, treating them as she would any other 'customer'. A young girl with unruly pigtails gave them tea, though extremely nervously. She seemed to be afraid of them. ("Can't say I blame her," Taro said snootily. "I'd be afraid of _us_, too.")

She did Hikari's fortune first.

"I sense that the man you'll marry will be very lucky."

Hikari blushed. "Because he married me?"

The fortuneteller, Aunt Wu, they called her, frowned. "No, he's just lucky. Everything about him is lucky. After you marry him, he'll run into a very risky business deal. Encourage him to take it—you'll both be glad you did."

"Encourage him to take it… Okay, I got that."

Aunt Wu traced Hikari's palm silently, concentrating on whatever it was the fortuneteller needed to in order to 'see' the future.

"You are a warrior, child." Hikari nodded. "I can see five beautiful daughters who take after you in that respect. They will bring the same sort of honor and glory to the Fire Nation as you do."

Hikari smiled proudly. "What else do I need to know?"

Aunt Wu only told her three words before doing the next fortune. "Don't be afraid." She smiled. "Next."

Jiro was next.

"The best drinking to be found anywhere," The woman said kindly. "Is in the Southern Water Tribe. An old woman named Kana makes the best damn Sake you'll ever try."

Jiro grinned. "Got anything a bit more local?"

The fortuneteller returned the smile before standing up. She walked over to a hidden cabinet in the far corner of the room, pulled something out of it, and walked towards Jiro again.

"My own homemade blend. I've yet to perfect it, but it's better than whatever swill you'll get at the pub down the road."

"That's mighty kind of you, milady." He said, taking a large swig of the homemade liquor. "I thank you."

"I also advise not trying their soup. Egg-drop especially. Made me sick to my stomach last time I tried it."

"I'll remember that," Jiro said, clearly intent on not as he took another large drink out of the bottle. At this rate, he would have the whole thing done before the others got done.

She did Shen next.

Almost as soon as she touched his palm, she began to wince. Even still, she traced along his hand anyway, wincing and worming all while she did this.

"I'm sorry to say that your wife has left you." Aunt Wu said sadly. Shen did not look surprised.

"I figured that. She wouldn't stay with me when I was there twenty-four seven, I didn't expect her to stay when I wasn't." Even if he was expecting it, he held a sorrowful look on his face. Jee was tempted to place his hand on his shoulder for his old friend, but thought better of it.

"Anyway, when you return home finally, you open a restaurant with your sister. It does well for a while, until certain…_things_ are revealed."

"What sort of things!" Shen begged.

The fortuneteller squirmed. "Oh, how do I put this tactfully? You see, uh…"

"Tell me!" Shen screamed.

Aunt Wu blushed. "Your wife left you for your sister."

Shen's face fell. Jiro, as untactful and drunk as ever, busted out laughing.

"Hehe…hic, that might not be a bad thing, Shen…Your sister's cute and your wife ain't bad looking either…hic…" Jiro joked.

"Jiro…" Jee tried to warn him.

"If he don't wanna watch'm, I do!" He hiccupped loudly at the end, taking one of the last few swigs out of the drink the fortuneteller gave him.

Shen just buried his head in his hands. "What else?"

"You go and stay with your sister's former husband. You work on the pirate ship with him. It's, uh, doesn't ever improve."

Shen said nothing.

Aunt Wu put her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, dear."

Finally, it was Jee's turn.

"I want to know about my family. How are they? I haven't seen them in forever…"

"I know you haven't, dear. Don't worry, you'll see them before summer's end." Aunt Wu said quietly, grazing over his palm like she had for the others. "Your daughter has blossomed into a beautiful young woman. She's sixteen now, correct?" Jee nodded. "Right at marrying age, too. She won't meet her love until you come home, though, if that relaxes your nerves at all."

Jee nodded. It did.

"I can't say that you'll care much for your son-in-law, but I can scarcely think of a father who has. You'll get over it, I think." She continued to study his palm carefully. "I see a few grandchildren in the near future, Jee, so be prepared."

He laughed. He waited his entire life for grandbabies. He could wait a little while longer.

"Your son has grown into a strong young man, just like his father. He'll join in the military just like you, but by that time your nation will no longer be at war, so you have nothing to worry about. He'll become the Fire Lord's top guard and chief of security."

Jee beamed with pride. The fortuneteller returned the smile.

"You're going to have a good life after this, Jee. I can feel it."

He certainly hoped she was right.

Daisuke went after him.

"Your family is doing fine, young bender." She said quietly. "So you need not to worry about them. Your sister is still ill, but she will get better with time."

Daisuke nodded. Jee looked at him, softly. He had not known Daisuke had a sister, much less one who was ill. Apparently that was something that had worried the soldier.

"You'll marry before the summer's end, to someone you already know." There was a mischievous twinkle in the fortuneteller's eyes. "I won't say who…because I think you already know who."

Judging by the feverish blush on Daisuke's face, Jee would be inclined to agree.

"How will I know when the time is right?" He stuttered.

She patted his hand softly. "You'll know, I promise."

He stood up suddenly, bowing before the fortuneteller kindly before turning back to his seat on the cushion.

Aunt Wu looked at him curiously. "Is that all you want to know?"

Daisuke nodded. "Yeah, that'll be fine. It was the only thing that worried me, and I'm really big on surprises."

She laughed. "That you are, my dear, that you are."

Taro went last.

"My question," He began slowly, unsure of how to say it. "Doesn't have to do with my future individually, though now that I've heard what you've said I don't wonder if perhaps it should." He said slowly, eyes darting from Hikari to Jee in wonder.

"My question," he mumbled, suddenly shy about whatever he was going to ask. "is not about me, but the fate of the nation of which I serve proudly. Will we win this war? What's going to happen? Can you tell?"

Every pair of eyes in the small room was glued onto the fortuneteller, all with a mix of awe and curiosity as they remember what the fortuneteller each told them. They wondered what she would say, what she would do when faced with such an important question.

She laughed.

She placed a quiet hand on Taro as she continued in her fit of giggles. "Jee, look after this boy, will you? He needs your guidance, bad." She waited for Jee to nod before she continued to smirk towards the young soldier. "Do you really want to know?"

Taro nodded. "More than anything."

"Your war will end before the comet comes," she spoke slowly. "But the Fire Nation will neither win nor lose. The Avatar, master of the four elements, alongside with the most unlikely of allies, will triumph over the Fire Lord and his daughter.

"The Prince you serve under now will reclaim his birthright as the last living heir to the Fire Nation Royal Family," She paused, opening her eyes to gaze around the room. "Tell me, is your Prince a powerful bender?"

The six people in the room looked from one another, each wondering where she was going with this. "Yeah, for his age. But he's nothing compared to his sister. Princess Zula's a prodigy." Daisuke answered quietly.

"Which makes him all the more powerful in the long run," The fortuneteller mumbled. "He will be the first Fire Lord in history to take a bender from another Nation as his wife that wasn't arranged."

"Really?" Hikari said quietly. "I always thought the Earthbender women looked a lot like Fire Nation girls. I guess that's not really surprising."

"Yeah," Shen said kindly, thinking to himself. "It'll be kinda nice having an earthbender woman on the throne."

"They got nice legs." Jiro hiccupped.

Aunt Wu looked at them like they were crazy for a moment before correcting them on their error. "My dears, your Prince isn't going to marry an earthbender." She said with a smile. "He's going to marry a waterbender."

"Ya know, I almost believed everything she said. Just for a moment, you know," Shen said heartily as they left, laughing as the walked back to the ship. "But she really screwed herself over when she said that Prince Zuko was going to marry a _waterbender._"

Jee snorted loudly. "I know! Imagine, our own Prince with a-a-a waterbender!" He said, choking on his own laughter.

"I don't know, I think it would be sweet." Hikari said. "Like Romeo and Juliet or something." The men continued to laugh despite what the young girl had said.

Taro scowled. "I can't _believe_ we wasted our entire afternoon listening to that nonsense!"

Daisuke was the only one not laughing. "Guys, what if she was telling the truth?" He raised an eyebrow curiously as the others stopped to look at him. "What if Prince Zuko _does_ marry a waterbender?"

"That ain't gonna happen, hic." Jiro slurred.

"Our entire country would go into poverty with a foolish waterbender on the throne." Shen said proudly. "Waterbenders know _nothing _of Fire Nation politics."

Taro smirked. "They know even less of their own." That earned a few chuckles all around.

"And if he did," Jee began. "I'd jack slap that boy myself. He has more sense than that."

But Daisuke still wasn't moved. "But what if he did? What if he…" He stretched, trying to think of the correct words. "What if he fell in _love_ or something?"

Everyone stared at Daisuke for a moment before bursting out in loud laughter. Even Hikari was laughing at him. He felt his face go crimson at the thought, but he still couldn't shake the fact that what Aunt Wu told them was true.

"Then I'd feel sorry for the poor girl." Shen chuckled. "Imagine having Prince Zuko as a husband! Oh, the poor girl!"

"Hey!" A burry voice called out from in front of them. They immediately noticed it was one of there own, running up to them to tell them something.

"Hey Miko." Jee said calmly, welcoming the other soldier back. Miko took off his helmet when he greeted the Lieutenant.

Miko was smirking. "Guess what happened while you guys were gone getting your fortune's read?" Miko was practically bouncing with excitement.

"Prince Zuko caught the Avatar?" Jee asked hopefully.

Miko shook his head no. "But you're close, though." He said proudly. "He caught one of the Avatar's companions to use as bait."

"Really?" Hikari asked. "Which one?"

"The waterbender girl, of course."

The sexton stopped in their tracks, each one gazing at the other in wonderment.

"It can't be," Taro said finally. "There is _no_ way it could possibly be…" Even still, he could not find it within himself to say it.

"I told you!" Daisuke yelled. "I _told_ you! She's right! The fortuneteller was right! Prince Zuko has kidnapped this water-witch and---"

"Calm down, Daisuke." Jee tried to stop Daisuke.

"HE'S GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HER!" Daisuke yelled.

Hikari sat down on a fallen tree. Jiro sat next to her, for once, not quite as drunk as before.

"You don't know that," Shen said quietly. "He's just kidnapped her. That doesn't mean anything."

"Yes it does!" Daisuke screamed. "Oh, Great Agni, we're all going to _die_, aren't we?"

There was an unearthly glow in Jee's eyes at that moment. "Not unless we stop it from happening."

"What do you mean, Jee?" Hikari asked softly.

"I mean," He started. "If what Aunt Wu said is true, then Prince Zuko is going to fall in love with this water-witch, isn't he?" The group nodded. "Well then, all we have to do is _stop him from doing that_."

"How are we going to do that?" Taro asked.

"Same way you break up any romance before it happens," Jee answered. "You don't let them be alone together, **ever. **You talk to them to convince the other how awful the other is. You make it seem like they've insulted each other. You know the drill."

"So what does that make us?" Hikari asked quietly. " 'Un'-matchmakers?"

"I think so," Jee said quietly, hoping this was going to work.


	2. EggDrop of DOOM!

I don't own it. 

A/N: Don't expect updates this quickly every time. I was just inspired by all the _wonderful_ reviews I got from the first chapter! Thank you all so much.

This chapter…isn't is long or funny as the last chapter, but I need it to get the plot moving. So sorry. I hope you still enjoy it, however.

Enjoy!

**Chapter Two: Egg-Drop of DOOM!**

"Uncle, _no._" The surly Prince began, sounding terribly exhausted from fighting with his Uncle over this matter. He may be one hell of a ninja, but even he got tired from fighting eventually. "Just no, okay? That's my final answer."

"But Prince Zuko," Iroh began, a faint hint of hope in the old man's voice. "She's just a little girl."

This was the part where Jee walked in, absolutely oblivious (per usual) to what the young Prince and his elderly Uncle were arguing about this time. Normally, he would have just ignored the pair and continued on his business, but this time was different. This time there was the mention of a 'little girl'---a little girl who could possibly be the forsaken waterbender the crew had recently picked up. So instead, he listened with as much patience as he possibly could.

"Absolutely not, Uncle!"

"But Zuko," His Uncle widened his eyes in a desperate hope to appeal to his nephew. "It's cold out!"

"All the more reason not to." Zuko said stiffly, crossing his arms per usual. He turned his back to his Uncle, not wanting to look the old man in the eyes.

"Nephew, I am _ashamed _at you! I thought you would be different from your father, but I see now how _wrong_ I was. How could you be so heartless?"

Jee watched the banter between Uncle and Nephew with growing interest---what had the Prince done already to the waterbender they were keeping prisoner that could have upset his uncle so much?

Zuko glowed. "I'm not heartless!"

His Uncle raised his eyebrow. "Then why won't you help her?"

"WE AREN'T KEEPING THE DAMN CAT AND THAT'S FINAL, UNCLE!" Zuko bellowed towards his elder.

Jee spit out his tea. _Cat?_ He thought oddly. _What cat?_

It was then he noticed the soft purring creature in Iroh's arms.

Zuko sneezed.

"See, I'm allergic to the damn thing! We can't keep it!"

Iroh pouted. "You probably did that on purpose."

Zuko frowned. "I swear I'm no---ACHOO!" The Prince pulled out a hanky from his pocket, blowing his nose patiently before sneezing again. "Just---just please, Uncle?"

Iroh began scheming. "I'll keep her in my room." He said quietly, petting the kitten in his arms. "You won't ever know she's there."

Zuko sulked. "Yes I will."

Iroh grinned. "No, you won't! I promise!" He cuddled the kitten again, knowing good and well he had already won the fight. "I've already named her: Princess Mookie Cocoa-butter Jasmine Sugerpuff. Mookie for short."

Zuko blew his nose again. "Fine, Uncle…just, keep it away from me, alright?"

Thus began one of the weirdest mornings of Jee's life.

XXX

"Hey, Daisuke!" A tall boy with black hair and gold eyes (what firebender _didn't_ have those traits?) ran towards another tall boy with black hair and gold eyes, waving. "I didn't know you had guard duty too!"

"Oh, hey Taro!" Daisuke said, lowering his guard down. "I wasn't suppose to be having guard duty today, either, but Jiro had a hangover, so I offered."

Taro grinned. "Don't offer too much. Jiro always has a hangover. You'll be working all his shifts in no time if you keep that up."

Daisuke let out a kind laugh, holding his spear out in case of any impending (as usual) danger.

"So what are we suppose to be doing, anyway?" Taro asked, peeking into the cell door where the waterbender was.

"Two things," Daisuke began. "One, don't let the water-witch escape, two, don't let Prince Zuko in if it can be helped."

Taro frowned. "Jee's orders, correct?" Daisuke nodded.

"It's going to be awfully hard keep Prince Zuko out if he wants in. After all, he _is_ the commanding officer on this ship."

"I know." Daisuke offered. "But I don't think Prince Zuko will be coming down here much today, if at all. Hikari told me he wasn't feeling real well at all."

"Oh," Taro said appreciatively. An idea, a really, really, _awful_ idea, suddenly popped into his head. "You and Hikari are awfully close, you know." Taro asked skeptically.

"N-not really," Daisuke stammered, his face turning red. "I mean, she's my friend, but that's all."

"Oh," Taro answered.

There was an uneasy pause.

"Do you like her?" Taro whispered apprehensively.

"N-no." Daisuke lied. "Do _you_ like her?" He whispered nervously.

"Of course not!" Taro also lied.

"Well, that's good." Daisuke said.

"Yeah," Taro said with a smile. "That's real good."

Daisuke was grinning now. "Who needs girls, anyway?"

"They're always _such_ a hassle!"

"Not to mention _expensive_!" (A/N: For the record, I _am_ a girl.)

"I know!" Taro smirked. "Best to stay single like us, right, friend?"

Daisuke laughed. "But of course!"

The two boys shared a hearty laugh. "Speaking of girls, I wonder what's up with our own little water-witch in there. She hasn't made a peep since we've been on duty."

Daisuke shrugged. "Probably collapsed from exhaustion, if I was to take a guess."

"What she got to be exhausted from?" Taro asked.

"Well, being kidnapped is awfully exhausting work, I imagine." Daisuke answered. "Not to mention she just yelled for two-hours straight at Hikari and Shen to let her go. And she probably hasn't been fed in over twenty-four hours."

"Sounds exhausting." Taro commented. "Glad I'm not her."

"Oh, I don't know, Taro." Daisuke teased. "You'd be such a _pretty_ water-witch."

"Go to hell, Daisuke." Taro growled.

"The blue would go so well with your eyes!"

"I said go to hell."

"And waterbending! You would be so good at waterbending!"

"GO TO HELL!" But Daisuke only laughed harder at Taro's flamed temper.

"Excuse me, gentlemen." The calmly voice of the retired General Iroh entered the hallway they were guarding. Both boys gulped. "I'm sure the conversation you two were having was most prominent, but can I get through? The poor dear in there probably hasn't had anything to eat yet, and we'd not be good guests if we didn't feed her."

The two boys stepped aside almost instantly, allowing the old general to get through. They glared at one another.

"That was all _your_ fault!"

XXX

Katara woke up when she felt the warmth of the blanket being draped over her.

"Who are you?" She screeched. "Get out!" She paused, considering her words. "Get _me_ out!"

She heard a curious chuckle. "I'm afraid my nephew wouldn't want me to do that, dear." The old general said, holding out a fireball in his hand to provide light. "Last time we met, it wasn't under the best of circumstances, I'm afraid. Shall we try again? My name is Iroh." The general held out his hand, the one not covered in flames, for Katara to shake.

"Katara," she said politely, shaking Iroh's hand. She remembered him from the siege of the North, when Yue died. She leaned closer to the old man. "Can you get me out of here?"

The old man laughed at her. "I'm sorry, Katara, but you see," He smiled warmly at her. "You're the main piece of my nephew's latest attempt to kidnap the Avatar. See, he's planning on using you as bait so that way he won't have to chase the Avatar, the Avatar will come here."

Katara blinked. "That's probably the stupidest plan I've ever heard in my life." _So stupid, in fact, that it would probably work._ She thought begrudgingly.

"I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought so." Iroh said kindly. "Now, tell me: Do you like egg-drop soup?"

Katara looked at him like he was crazy (he probably was). "Uh, yeah, I guess."

"Good." Iroh smiled. "I brought you some." He held up the warm bowl to Katara. She grinned as she took in the warm smell.

An awful thought occurred to her. "It's not poisoned, is it?" She asked, trembling. She was _so_ hungry.

"I certainly hope not---my nephew ate some of this same soup just a few hours ago, so if it is, then you'll share his fate."

Katara smiled as she took a large bite of the soup. At least Prince Sir-Sulks-A-Lot would die with her.

"Now, I've left you a blanket and a spare change of clothes in case you wanted to change. I'll leave you to your soup. After all, I've got to look after Princess Mookie Cocoa-butter Jasmine Sugerpuff now." He said as he left the small holding cell.

Katara stared at him like he was crazy. He probably was.

XXX

"Er, do you think we should go get someone?" Daisuke asked Taro quietly as the sounds of spewing vomit reached the two guards ears.

Taro didn't answer him, only glared.

"Oh come on! I didn't mean it! I was only joking!" Daisuke pleaded.

Taro still glared.

"I mean, what did I even _do?_" Daisuke asked.

"What did you do!" Taro screamed. "You insulted me in front of the famous General Iroh, the Dragon of the West!"

"And?" Daisuke asked, trying to ignore the sounds of nausea from the door behind him.

"Unlike you, some of us have families back home that aren't crazy gypsies!" Taro yelled. "Granddad would _kill_ me if he knew what had just happened."

Daisuke placed his hand on Taro's shoulder. "Is that why you try so hard? For your Granddad?"

Taro sighed as Katara ejected her latest eatings once more. "Not exactly." He mumbled, just loud enough for Daisuke to hear. Daisuke gave him a curious glance, asking Taro to continue his story.

"My parents were killed in an attack from the Earth Kingdom when I was just a baby." He explained softly. "After that, I was sent to live with my Grandfather in the capital city. He always wanted me to be a soldier---one of the best, actually. Said it would be good for the memory of my parents."

"WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!" Katara yelled in the background.

Daisuke ignored her, placing his hand on Taro's soldier. "Being a good soldier isn't going to bring your parents back, you know." He said softly.

"OH GOD, I'VE EJECTED THINGS I HAVEN'T EVEN EATEN YET!"

Taro smiled sadly. "I know, but if it makes Granddad proud…"

Daisuke nodded. "I understand." He then turned to the cell door curiously. "Think we should get her some help?"

Taro nodded. "Let's go get Fai, the healer. She'll know what to do."

XXX

SEVERAL HOURS LATER…

Katara yawned, stretching herself as she stood up from the infirmary bed she had been confined to. She noticed, with a small sense of reluctance, that the doors and windows to the infirmary had been locked tightly with no possible chance of escape. She sighed heavily as she stretched. The soup-induced vomiting had finally stopped, and she was beginning to feel a bit better.

"Meow." A quiet little noise came from near the door. Katara looked at it closely. It was a small, chubby, gray cat---no, a kitten, by the looks of it. It was purring gently near the door, staring at Katara curiously.

"Aw, how cute." Katara whispered, picking the small kitten up and holding it in her arms. The cat purred and purred as Katara stroked it's head. She walked around the room, quietly petting the kitten, before she noticed she was not alone in the infirmary.

"Get that _damn_ cat away from me _right now!_" The bad-tempered Prince, her captor, growled loudly. Katara jumped; unaware that he was there, before taking the time to make sure she didn't look caught off her guard.

"It's _just_ a cat. What's a cat going to do to you?" She said, walking to where the Prince sat up in his bed.

"I'm allergic to cats." The Prince said honestly. "I start sneezing whenever I get near them."

"You aren't sneezing now." Katara pointed out.

"I will, just watch me, water-witch." Zuko said pointedly.

Katara rolled her eyes as she sat on Zuko's bed, holding the kitten close to her. "I have a name, you know. It's Katara, not 'water-witch' or 'peasant' or any of the other clever nicknames you like to call me."

"I know what your name is!" Zuko growled.

"Then start using it." She said quietly, petting the cat playfully. Zuko looked at the cat in disgust before he began sneezing again.

"I didn't know you had allergies." She muttered at his sneezing fit. That could be useful if she ever got out of here. They'd have to get a cat so that every time Zuko showed up he would start sneezing and they could run away.

He laughed. "I have _plenty _of allergies." He grabbed a cloth from his bedside and blew his nose.

She raised her eyebrow curiously. "Like what?"

"Peanut butter." He said. "When I'm around peanut butter, I break out into terrible hives and could possibly start having seizures."

"That horrible!" She mumbled. "Anything else?"

He smiled. "Leechi nuts. Tomatoes. Certain types of leather. Scorbees. Girls. Old people. Cats. Small children. Dogs. People in general. Certain types of lotions or perfumes---"

Katara laughed. "You can't be allergic to _people_!"

"Sure I can." He said. "My extreme dislike for all of humanity causes me to go into fits of terror every time I'm around people."

She giggled. "I don't think you're allergic to girls."

He raised an eyebrow (the only one he had). "What makes you say that?"

She smiled. "Because I've been sitting on your bed for five minutes and you've yet to do anything."

"Maybe it's just you." He whispered, almost…flirtingly? Katara held her breath. This was _not_ happening. The Prince of the Fire Nation was _not_ flirting with her. "Maybe I'm immune to stupid water-witches from the south."

Katara glared at him, and suddenly wished she had water somewhere near her to hit him with. "Yeah, well maybe _I'm_ allergic to arrogant Fire Princes!"

He shrugged. "Must be such a_ hard_ allergy to get over, seeing as you keep getting closer to me." He pointed out. She hadn't noticed it, but he was right. She was oh-so-very close to him---much closer than she had been when she sat down.

Too close, she realized. She backed away from him slowly.

"Maybe it's just you." She said quietly. "Maybe I'm immune to you."

"Then I'd say your cured," He gave her a rather cheeky grin. "After all, I _am_ the only Fire Prince."

She laughed.

The room got quiet for a few moments. It was a comfortable silence for the most part, save the awkwardness that kept threatening to appear.

After a few more minutes of silence, she scooted closer to him again. "I don't think your allergic to cats, either."

He looked at her like she was crazy.

She grinned. "After all, that cat's been asleep in your lap for ten minutes and you've yet to sneeze."

Zuko frowned. "_Damnit._"

XXX

:end:

A/N:

1. One line in this fic belongs to an 8-bit theater comic. Whoever catches it gets brownie points.

2. If _anyone_ draws me a fanart of Zuko, Katara, and Princess Mookie Cocoa-butter Jasmine Sugerpuff, I will love you forever and give you full permission over my soul for the rest of eternity.

3. This could also be part of **MASAKO MOONSHADE'S FANFIC CHALLENGES** number four, because Zuko (and Iroh) got a cat.

Please comment. Comments are like sugar-coated-sugar-puffies.


	3. The Girls

_A/N: I upped the rating because of swearing. I hope they don't swear too much, especially Katara. But, crap, they're teenagers! They're going to swear! Especially when put in the situations I've put them in._

_And if you can't tell, Mei's a whore/prostitute/concubine. I thought that was obvious, but I guess not._

**Chapter Three: The Girls**

When Fai the healer unlocked the doors to her infirmary, she immediately dropped into a fighting stance. There were two reasons for this: One, she expected to have to fight, and possibly sedate, their prisoner waterbender, and two, she expected a rather grumpy fire Prince to be on her tail for leaving him with the waterbender for x-number of hours.

She found neither.

What she did find, however, shocked and amused her to no end.

Lying where she had left him was the Prince of the Fire Nation, and in his lap was the newest addition to the small crew--Mookie, Iroh's cat. The herbal remedy she had given him to ease the effects of his allergies much have worked---There was not a sign of the red, itchy eyes and horrid sneezes. Nor, she thought pleasantly, was there any sign of the soup-induced vomit. The kitten purred softly in the Prince's lap, just as oblivious as the Prince was to what was going on around her.

It was the female head leaning gently on the Prince's shoulder that had Fai worried.

It was such _innocent_ gesture, and it made Fai want to laugh and cry at the same time. The waterbender probably did not _mean_ for her head to lie on the Prince's shoulder; the two had probably stayed up talking, and when sleep took over, the Prince had probably looked like the softest pillow in the infirmary (Fai knew _she_ didn't want to sleep on any of the pillow in this place). The Prince, confined to his bed by the sleeping cat, (or perhaps he had fallen asleep first) must have let the girl sleep on his shoulder without complaint.

Fai was only certain of one thing---judging by the content look glued on Prince Zuko's normal agitated face, he was probably having some of the best sleep he had had in a long time. Whether that was the waterbender's influence or not, Fai did not want to know.

For a moment, Fai was _scared_. Scared that, perhaps, the Fire Prince and the waterbender had, possibly, maybe, fallen in _love_. Which did not bode well for the Fire Nation as a whole, for if Prince Zuko ever regained his honor, it meant that there would be a waterbender on the throne, and waterbenders were _horrible_ at politics, especially of the Fire Nation variety. The _last_ thing anybody in the Fire Nation needed was a waterbender on the throne.

Fai continued to stare, again the sheer innocence of the scene in front of her made her not want to continue her morning duties and awake the pair. They just looked so _happy_, Fai thought…maybe; maybe having a waterbender on the throne was a good thing, even if they were rather horrid at politics.

Maybe it was a sign that, after a hundred years of war, peace was finally here.

Smiling silently, Fai turned around and walked right back out of the infirmary door. Her morning duties could wait---there was nothing extraordinarily important about them anyway, and she was not about to ruin the beautiful scene in front of her.

XXX

But _gossip_ about it?

Of course. What sort of person did you think she was?

"Oh, Jee, you should have seen it! It was so sweet!" The middle-aged healer said, tossing her graying black hair into the tradition Fire Nation bun.

"I'm sure it was." Jee said, not listening at all to what Fai had to say. Which was normal, as Fai just liked to gossip a lot. He couldn't listen to all of their gossip, could he? "Who are we talking about, again?"

Fai looked appalled. "Why, Prince Zuko and the waterbender, of course! Haven't you been listening to me?"

Jee spit out his tea; an annoying habit that had started yesterday and seemed to create some sort of disturbing routine. Jee didn't like it---it wasted good tea.

"What were they doing!" He shouted. Oh, Great Agni! He did not need this.

"Nothing, really." Fai said, amused at how interested Jee had become in just a few choice words. "They were just sleeping next to one another. It was so cute! Her head on his shoulder, both of them completely oblivious to the world around them…" Fai sighed heavily, as if she expected her own Prince Charming to come and rescue her much the same way.

Jee winced, puzzled. Who was on guard duty last night? He was going to _kill_ them. His mind raced, tracing over the schedule he'd given everyone who had gone to see the fortuneteller in the first place…

At that most unfortunate time, Jiro came into the room. "Say, Fai, you come up with anything good for a hangover yet?"

Jee hit him.

XXX

Zuko woke up first.

First thing he did was stretch and yawn, noticing, with the tiniest hint of reluctance, that he had just had some of the best sleep, ever. He gently petted the kitten on his lap, another sign that he had gotten good sleep, for any other time he probably would have roasted the cat and had it for breakfast. He twisted his neck gently, popping it into place per morning routine, and thought that maybe, just maybe, today would be a good day. Maybe he would capture the Avatar today, and get a chance to go home. Yeah, that would be good.

He turned to see what this lump was beside him, and his good morning was henceforth ruined.

Curled in a ball on the side of his bed was that damned waterbender witch, sleeping peacefully and quietly at his side as if she did that every night.

Very quietly, Zuko left the bed, staring in wonderment at the fact that the waterbender was still sleeping, and more importantly, had slept _beside_ him. Quite possibly even _touched_ him (not like that--get your damn dirty mind out of the gutter now) during the night. Whether the waterbender knew it or not, it was probably the closest form of human contact he had since he was banished.

He was surprised to find that he wasn't angry with this.

Very gently and quietly, he left the waterbender and the cat in their peaceful slumber, hoping that, maybe if he left now before anyone came in (or the waterbender woke up) he could avoid having the explain something he didn't even understand.

He wasn't going to complain, though. After all, a small part of his mind relented; the waterbender---Katara that was her name---was cute. He would never admit this aloud, and if anyone ever called him on it, he would deny it so hard it'd _hurt_.

Katara yawned in her sleep, turned around, and curled up beside Mookie.

Zuko smiled, a rare event in and of itself.

Oh yeah, Katara was cute. Very cute. He was surprised he never noticed this little fact before. He wondered what she thought of him—

He sneezed.

Damn cat.

XXX

"I am NOT staying in there!" Katara screamed at her two—three---no, four---make that five…ah, crap, Iroh was there too. Fine then, six guards.

Jee squirmed. "Why does it stink so bad?"

Shen shrugged. "She got sick. No one bothered to clean it up."

Katara looked very ill. "I'll get sick again if you make me stay in there!"

Taro growled. "_She_ was the one who threw up everywhere. Aren't you a waterbender? Why don't you use some _water_ to clean it up?"

Katara scowled. "I would, dumbass, but I need water in order to waterbend."

Iroh smiled pleasantly as he petted Mookie. "So I'd imagine."

"We can't give her water, she's a waterbender." Zuko countered with logic. "You two, clean up this cell." He snapped at Taro and Daisuke, who looked less than pleased at that prospect.

Jee frowned. "And where do you suggest we keep her until then, your highness?"

Zuko shrugged his shoulders. "Can't we keep her in the crew quarters for now?"

"Oh no, I am _not_ sleeping in a room full of horny firebenders!" Katara screamed. Jee, Taro, Daisuke, and Shen looked mildly insulted.

"In case you've forgotten, you're _my_ prisoner, not guest! I could make you stay in the cell if I wanted to!" Zuko yelled at Katara. Katara lowered her head as she was reminded of that fact. There was a small look of homesickness in her eyes that made Zuko almost regret yelling at her.

Almost.

Iroh frowned. "But she does bring up a good point, Prince Zuko." He said, putting Mookie down on the ground. "Perhaps she can stay with the female soldiers of this ship."

Katara looked at them curiously. "There are other girls on this ship?" She asked inquisitively.

Taro snorted. "Of course there are!"

"Fire Nation ain't sexist!" Daisuke added.

"No discrimination here, you stupid water-witch." Taro finished, looking for a chance to stop mopping up the spew. Jee noticed this immediately and set the boy back to work in an instant.

"I agree with General Iroh. I'll send Hikari right this instant to take her to the crew quarters immediately, your highness." Jee said. This was going to be perfect—with Hikari watching over her every moment of the day, _nothing_ could go wrong.

Oh how very _wrong_ Jee was.

XXX

There were exactly five women on board Prince Zuko's ship besides Katara. There was Xia Li, who was in her mid-thirties, and seemed to be a rather rough looking woman, by Katara's opinion. She was a big woman with ratty hair that probably hadn't seen a hairbrush in twenty years, and could probably snap Katara in two with her pinky nail. Next was Mei, another woman close in age with Xia Li, this one was very thin and skeletal looking, with a pampered-ness about her that was different than all the other women on the ship. Katara didn't want to know what her job on the ship was, though she could very easily venture a guess.

On the bunks across from Xia Li and Mei sat Fai, the healer. She was a pleasant-looking woman with gentle hands and a kind heart, something Katara did not think was possible inside the Fire Nation. Katara was actually sort of hoping to speak with her; maybe the two healers could learn a thing or two from each other. On the bunk above Fai's sat Akiko, of whom Katara knew nothing about, other than that she was something of a recluse.

All of this wealth of information Katara achieved in less than three minutes by the last Fire-female on board, Hikari, who had not shut up since she found out Katara was bunking with her. Katara didn't really mind, though. Hikari seemed nice, so to speak, if only a bit gossipy. Though with the present company aboard the ship, Katara really couldn't blame her. The other girls didn't seem to want to talk much.

"Uh, hi." Katara said quietly, waving at her new 'bunkmates'.

Xia Li grunted. Mei patted her hair, ignoring her. Akiko rolled her eyes and turned over on her other side. Fai smiled politely. Hikari waved.

"So, uh." Katara mumbled. "What are we suppose to be doing?"

"Guarding you." Xia Li grumbled. "All of us have been pulled from our original duties and assigned to watch over you."

"Oh," Katara blinked. "That must be nice. Now you guys get to spend time together."

"Actually," Fai interrupted. "Most of us hardly know one another. We're all usually so busy with our duties that we don't see one another all that often."

"We actually only just sleep in the same room together." Hikari offered a gentle smile.

"Oh," Katara said again, looking around nervously.

There was an unhealthy silence in the room. None of the girls seemed to know what to say to one another. Each busied themselves with their own thing while Katara sat on the bed, being bored. Xia Li was doing push-ups, Fai was reading, Mei was doing her nails, and Akiko was ignoring everyone, per usual. It was only then when she noticed Hikari looking at her rather intently.

"You know, I've always wanted to know---how do you get your hair to braid like that?" Hikari asked, fumbling an attempt to braid her own hair.

It all went uphill from there.

XXX

They were _giggling_.

"What the hell is going on---"

"SHHH!" Five or six unruly firebending males (Daisuke, Taro, and Jiro included in this bunch) shouted towards their Prince, each one with their ears plastered to the door that lead to the ladies compartment on the ship. There was an odd, lighthearted noise coming from the room that Zuko hardly recognized. When he realized what it was, he still could not believe it.

The girls, the _women,_ on his ship, were giggling.

And it was all Katara's fault. He'd bet money on it.

Suddenly, he was just as interested as his men were as to what was going on inside there. He bent on his knees beside them, pressing his own ear to a blank spot on the door.

"What do you think they're talking about in there?" One of the men asked shyly.

"Us, probably." Another answered cockily.

"Girl things," Daisuke supplied his own answer. "Make-up and babies and such."

"You think?" The one from before asked.

"Who _cares_ what they're talking about!" Jiro growled unhappily.

Taro frowned. "Jiro, it will be alright---"

"THEY STOLE MY BOOZE! THEY STOLE MY BOOZE!" He attempted to yell before several of the men tackled him in order to get him to shut up.

Zuko blinked. "They took your—"

"_All_ of it, damnit!" He barked.

"Calm down, Jiro!"

"They'll hear us!"

"GOOD! I HOPE THEY DO!" He banged on the door loudly. "GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING B---"

But then, he stopped. The whole _world_ seemed to have stopped. Time itself stayed still for a moment of monstrous glory as Zuko son of Ozai's world shattered.

There was Katara.

And she was _beautiful._

After traveling with the Avatar, Katara had had little time for make-up and doing her hair in anything fancier than her traditional braid, but now, _now_, she was making up for it. Little flowers braided into her hair gave her a heavenly scent that he did not know how to place. Her blue eyes sparkled with an eerie beauty that he knew flowed past the skin. If she was 'cute' before, she was _gorgeous_ now…

It wasn't just Katara, either. Hikari was standing there, her hair tied in ridiculous cinnamon buns on the side of her head, too, shared the same flowery scent. Hell, even Xia Li and Fai had gotten involved, their hair decked into several braids and other fancy do-rags. Mei stood back, gazing in a mirror as she admired the change the braids gave to her hair.

It was Akiko, tiny, forgotten, reclusive Akiko, that shocked them all.

Her hair was back in a traditional waterbender braid. Her face was painted with all of Mei's tradition firebender make-up, and in her hand was a bottle of Jiro's booze.

Jiro probably fell in love at that point, but with him you could never tell. He might've just been admiring the booze, for all Zuko knew.

"_Boys_," she said seductively. "Don't you know it's rude to intrude on a girl's slumber party?"

XXX

Katara smiled at how brilliant she was. Honestly, she was surprised at herself for coming up with such a good plan. Who would have known how _easy_ it was to get fire women drunk? And the best part was, she got a makeover out of it as well.

She stepped over the sleeping bodies carefully, for the women had long since passed out out of drunkenness. She herself, being the only underage one of the group, had not drunk a single drop, and for that she was proud of herself. But she was also proud of what a clever escape plan she had come up with.

She probably deserved a medal for it.

But, deep inside, Katara felt bad. She had lied and tricked these women, earned their trust, and now was betraying it. She told herself over and over that they would have done the same to her in a heartbeat, even though she didn't really think that was true. She felt really bad for betraying Hikari, who, by her continuous questioning of whether or not Katara liked Prince Zuko or not, was probably only looking for a friend.

Above all, it proved to Katara that not all firebenders were cruel and heartless and evil and _men_, and that's what scared her the most.

She began untying the lifeboat carefully, not wanting to be seen or heard. Little did she know she was being watch---

"Boo." A quiet, seductive (or maybe that was just him, period) voice whispered in her ear, making her drop the rope that held the lifeboat.

"Zuko." She whispered, feeling his warm breath against her neck. It tickled.

"Clever plan." He whispered, taking in her scent. "It almost worked."

Katara felt unexpected heat rise to her face, and found she could not explain why it was there. She felt numb all of the sudden, like his sullen whispers had frozen her where she stood. There was a tingling in her skin that she welcomed, although she did not fully understand it. It was almost if she—

Nah, like _that_ would ever happen.

"It almost worked." He whispered again, his mouth dangerously close to her ear. "Almost."

She did not fight him as he carried her back to the room with the girls, did not argue when he locked the door—only sat on her bed numbly rubbing her cheek where his breath had been mere moments ago.

"Katara? 's that you?" Hikari mumbled, drunk.

"Yeah, it's me, Hikari." Katara whispered, her hand still against her cheek and ear. "Go back to sleep."

"Was that :hic: Zuko in here a'minute ago?" She asked numbly. Katara did not answer, just stared at the locked door in wonderment, as if she expected the Prince to come back in at any time.

Hikari took her lack of response as a 'yes'. She grinned. "You know, I think he likes you." She said before she passed back out on her own bunk.

"You know," Katara whispered after Hikari had already passed out. "I think I like him, too." She then went to sleep, and for the first time since she had been captured, dreamt of something other than her escape.

:end:

A/N: Well, I liked it, I don't know about all of you. 


	4. Rumor Control

**WARNING! LANGUAGE IS BAD IN THIS FIC! I DON'T THINK IT'S BAD ENOUGH TO RAISE THE RATING, BUT IT'S NOT ALL THAT GOOD, JUST THE SAME. I HOPE I DIDN'T DO IT EXCESSIVELY, BUT I THINK I DID ENOUGH TO GET THE POINT ACROSS. PLEASE DON'T READ IF IT WILL OFFEND YOU TOO MUCH. I'LL TRY TO MAKE AN EDITED VERSION OF IT LATER FOR THOSE WHO ARE OFFENDED.**

Thank you.

Jak

A/N: Some people have been complaining that the romance between Zuko and Katara is rushed. I agree wholeheartedly. There are, of course, reasons for this.

1. I _loathe_ romance, with the fire hot intensity of a thousand suns. If I didn't love the pairing so much, I'd never write romance. _Ever._

2. I'm on crack. (not, just seeing if you were paying any attention)

3. I'm a humorist by nature, so I'm going to focus on that more than romance.

4. If I took the time out to develop the romance like it deserves, this story would be much longer (and crappier) than I intend it to be. So go read Rashaka's or RedNovember's (and several other people's, I'm sure) romance between Zuko and Katara, and come to me for the funny. (BTW, this story only has two-to-four chapters left in it, just to warn you.)

5. I wouldn't know, but I've been told, true romance actually happens like that. Like, you take one look at a person and BAM! You're in love. I myself have never experienced it, so I wouldn't know to be painfully honest.

This chapter is longer than I expected it, which is why it took me so long to write. Likewise, the next chapter will probably be very short, as we are nearing the end of this fic. I'm not fully happy with this chapter, but I'll leave that up to you guys to decide whether it's good or not. Sorry, but I hope I made up for it. Enjoy!

**Chapter Four: Rumor Control**

Hikari, in all her twenty-one years of glory, had a hangover.

It was odd, being hung-over. It was like the direct opposite of the drunken joy she had experienced last night, only much harsher, because she could feel her stomach doing flip-flops and her head being beaten against a brick wall.

She turned around and smiled. Still asleep (and not hung-over), was Hikari's newest roommate/prisoner on the ship, Katara. She was curled up in a ball peacefully hugging one of the girls' pillows.

_You know, for a waterbender, she's awfully sweet._ Hikari mused. Who else would have actually _tried_ to get to know the only five girls onboard? Because honestly, last night was some of the most fun Hikari had had in a long time. And to think, Xia was so convinced that Katara was just using them as an escape route! Yet, here she was, looking as though she hadn't move since where they left her.

_You know, maybe it wouldn't be so bad for her and Prince Zuko to get married._ Hikari thought oddly. _Maybe we could still braid each other's hair if she lived in the Fire Nation._

_The only problem,_ she added mentally, _is that she hates Prince Zuko with a passion. Ah well, can't win them all._

At that thought, Hikari vaguely remembered a conversation she had with the waterbender really late last night.

"_I think he likes you."_

"_I think I like him, too._"

Thus, Hikari's hangover went from really, really bad, to really, really worse.

_Best tell Jee_. She thought as she rolled out of bed. But as she got dressed and headed towards Jee, she couldn't help but wonder if, maybe, it would be all right after all.

XXX

MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE ELSE…

"Hey, Aang, what are you doing?" Sokka asked, with an unexpected yawn.

"Stopping." Aang said, pulling Appa's reins tightly. "We, as well as Appa, are going to collapse from exhaustion if we don't get some rest."

"Rest!" Sokka yelled. "We can't stop to _rest_! Those firebenders have my baby sister!"

"Dude, they aren't going to hurt her." Aang mumbled.

"How do _you_ know, Mr. High-and-Mighty Avatar?" Sokka grumbled.

"Don't you read fanfiction? They _never_ hurt her! Well, not really. I mean, sometimes they do, but….Ah, crap! Just forget it! All we have to do is wait until she and Zuko to fall in love, _then_ burst in and rescue her."

"…" Sokka looked quite clueless.

Aang sighed. "Just trust me, alright?" He said as he landed Appa on the island.

As soon as the boy's landed, Prince Zuko's ship passed them by. Neither of the boys was aware of this fact, else this story would be much shorter. Momo, of course, knew it was Prince Zuko's ship. Heck, he even _waved_ at it.

"Momo, quit waving at the water, it's getting on my nerves."

Stupid humans.

XXX

BACK TO THE CIRCUS…

Jee spit out his tea.

Again.

Really, it was starting to annoy him. He should stop it.

But seriously, people should stop surprising so early in the morning.

Especially when they brought bad news.

"_She said what?"_ Jee growled, fire burning in his eyes.

Hikari held her head in her hands, rubbing her temples harshly. "I have a hangover, can I go back to bed now?"

"That's what Jiro says every morning, and I'm going to tell you the same thing I tell him: No, you may certainly not! Now, tell me what she said." Jee commanded.

"My head really, really hurts." Hikari ignored him.

"TELL ME WHAT SHE SAID, DAMNIT!"

"What who said?" Shen said, walking in on the two arguing. He grabbed a glass out of the cupboard and poured himself some tea, taking a seat beside Jee.

"Katara, our lovely waterbender." Hikari answered Shen.

"Yeah, now what did she say!" Jee pestered.

"You spoke with her?" Shen asked, ignoring Jee.

Hikari giggled. "Didn't you hear? She bunked with us girls last night, we had a sleep over."

Jee growled. "So I've heard. TELL ME WHAT WAS SAID!"

Shen smiled. "Really? I was wondering why all the guys kept sneaking out last night."

"Tell me what she said."

Hikari smiled. "Yep, they tried to ruin our party, but we stopped them."

"Tell me what she said."

Shen grinned. "I bet that was amusing. I can hardly imagine Xia or, oh, what's her name…Akiko, yes, I can hardly imagine them partying."

"Tell me what she said."

"You'll be amazed at what a little booze can do."

"Tell me what she said."

"Where did you get booze?"

"Tell me what she said."

"Jiro."

"Tell me what she said, _please_."

Shen raised his eyebrow. "I bet that didn't go over well."

"Goddamnit, Hikari, tell me what she said!"

Hikari smiled mischievously. "Actually, it went over quite well, as I haven't seen him or Akiko at all this morning."

"TELL ME!"

"_Really_! Well, I'll be damned…Akiko and Jiro…never saw it coming. "

"Please tell me what she said, Hikari." Jee asked, his last nerves fraying.

"I know! Who knew Akiko was a closet alcoholic as well?"

"For the love of Agni, tell me!"

"She is! Wow, I never knew!"

"Okay, now you two are just doing this to piss me off, tell me what she said and you two can go on gossiping, alright?" Jee snarled.

Hikari looked at Jee pointedly. "You're being very rude, you know that."

"Bull shit. Now tell me."

"Hmp!" Hikari told him. "Just for that, you can _wait_ to find out." And she walked out of the room, looking for something to cure her hangover with.

Jee glared at Shen, as though it was all Shen's fault. "What?" Shen asked.

Jee hit him.

XXX

For the first time in nearly twenty years, Jiro woke up _without_ a hangover.

(Then the apocalypse came and we all died. The end.)

Jiro yawned. (Or not.) He rolled over and put his arm around his beloved, taking in her sweet, sweet scent once more. How had he gone for so long without her? It was like waking up as a whole different person. The sun was up; the birds were chirping…he could even hear Jee try to drown himself in the background, which made for such a _wonderful_ morning already. The only thing that would be better would be if Prince Zuko were drowning himself as well so Jiro wouldn't have to listen to his constant bickering, but then Jiro would be out of a job.

Great Agni, life was _beautiful, _wasn't it?

Around that time, Akiko came into the room in nothing but a towel. "You gonna to hug that whiskey, or are you going to share it with me?" She asked, pointing to the bottle in his grasp, barely holding up her towel as it was.

He undid the corkscrew as soon as Akiko sat on the bed, taking in the sweet smell of both of his beloveds.

Gods, life was _wonderful_. All of creation was beautiful and sacred once again, just like it had been when he was a child _before_ alcohol had influenced him so greatly…

"Hey, Jiro, you up yet? Jee wanted to know, he wants to have some sort of meeting…OH MY GOD!" Taro, sweet, innocent, young Taro, yelled. "OH MY GOD!"

"Shut _up_ Taro." Jiro growled as Akiko giggled and stole his booze.

"MY EYES! MY YOUNG AND INNOCENT _EYES_!"

_Never mind,_ Jiro thought. _I take that back. All of humanity stinks. Life sucks._

XXX

"So, what are we doing?" Jiro asked at the crowded room. "Is this an intervention? _Finally!_ I was beginning to wonder if you guys were going to let me drink myself to death." He said pulling up a chair. "The truth is, I drink because I'm too scared to kill myself by tradition means. I'm sure with the help of my friends I'll recover in no time…"

"You…seriously?" Daisuke asked, bewildered.

Jiro grinned. "Fuck no. I'm just seeing if I can---"

"Better question is: who cares? Anyway, we have more important things to worry about at the moment." Jee said in his commanding voice. "We have to do something about Prince Zuko and the Waterbender."

"---Distract Jee at all." Jiro frowned. "What happened between them?" he asked, confused.

"We think they like each other." Hikari supplemented.

"Really? I thought we were trying to, you know, get them _apart._"

"We are." Shen yelled. "But it hasn't worked."

"In fact," Daisuke added. "It's almost like they've backfired completely. The more we try to get them apart---"

"The closer they get." Taro finished. He then glared at Jiro. "And I'm still afraid I'm going to go blind after what I saw this morning."

Jiro rolled his eyes. "Ever hear of _knocking_, twerp?"

"Enough!" Jee interrupted, his left eye twitching. "All this means is that we're going to _have to try harder!_"

"How?" Shen asked.

"Ooh! I know---we can lock them in the same room together!" Jee glared at the genius that said that. "Or, uh, not?"

"We're trying to break them up, not get them together." Taro growled.

"Oh." The person in question said. "Why?"

"Because the end of the world will happen if they get together!" Daisuke yelled.

The guy raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

Jee frowned. "Okay, who the hell are you?" He asked, peering at the stranger in the room.

"Private Kenshin, forty-ninth division, sir. I was on my way to the bathroom---" The new guy explained before Jee cut him off.

"Just get the hell out of here, Kenshin." Jee brushed him off. Kenshin turned his head.

"But know I want to know---"

"GET OUT!" Seven voices echoed, kicking Kenshin out. Suddenly, Kenshin felt like he was in high school again, and he had just been kicked out by all the cool kids and forced to sit at the geek table at lunch, _again._

_Well, we'll see about _**that**. Kenshin thought evilly as he walked out of the room, laughing manically.

Shen blinked at the door. "That was random."

"When hasn't it been?" Daisuke asked. "Ever since that Waterbender joined us, things have been crazy."

Jiro grinned. "I suggest we kill her. Her spleen would look _great_ on my bedroom wall---"

Hikari screamed. "No! We can't do that! That's horrible!" She then hit Jiro upside the head.

"I was only joking!"

"But you do bring up a good point." Jee said, rubbing his chin. "We need to get rid of the Waterbender."

"Poisoning?" Taro suggested.

"Nah, we tried it. It backfired, remember?" Jee said. "Any other suggestions?"

"Let's take her liver." Jiro commented. "Lord knows mine's going to fail one of these days, and I'd like to have another handy just in case."

Hikari hit him. "We aren't taking her liver!"

"Why the hell not---OW!"

Jee frowned. "No, we don't need to kill her, that would only cause trouble for us, not to mention we aren't savages. No, we need to get rid of her a different way."

"Who says we have to get rid of her?" Daisuke added. "Maybe we can just get rid of Prince Zuko?"

Taro gapped. "That's _treason!_"

"Maybe we don't have to get rid of either of them." Hikari noted. "Maybe, we just need to make them not like each other any more."

"That's what we've been trying, dear, and it hasn't worked." Shen told her.

Hikari smirked. "Well, not if we go with _my_ plan."

"What plan?" Taro spit out. "The only thing you're good at is gossiping."

To his surprise, Hikari grinned. "_Exactly."_

XXX

Katara and Akiko were sitting in their bunks, Katara braiding Akiko's hair while the two girls chitchatted. This was rare—ever sense last night, Akiko had suddenly not become such a recluse as before. Apparently, this was Jiro's influence, but Katara wasn't going to say anything.

"And then we had fiery smex, and it was _great._" Akiko said with a lovesick sigh. Katara giggled as she twisted another piece of hair in Akiko's braid. Around that time, Hikari came into the room, with a sad look on her face.

"What's wrong, Hikari?" Katara asked, noticing the poor girl being upset.

"It-t's nothing, Katara." Hikari lied. Katara frowned.

"Okay, now I _definitely _know there is something wrong with you." Katara said, concerned.

"It's just---I've been hearing…_things._" Hikari looked down, playing with her fingers as if they were extremely interesting.

Katara raised her eyebrow. "What sort of _things?_" She glared.

Hikari fidgeted. "Rumors, mostly."

"About what?" Katara asked curiously.

"You, mainly. And Prince Zuko." Katara's face fell. She could almost hear what Hikari was about to say. Someone saw them last night. _Someone_ must have thought that she and the Prince were, she didn't know, _together_ maybe? That wasn't true, of course, but it certainly made Katara's face red thinking about it.

"What did they say, Hikari?" Katara wanted to know, now.

Hikari shifted her feet nervously. "Well…" She then blushed furiously, and mumbled. "princezukocalledyouawhore."

Katara blinked. "What?"

Hikari let out a breath she'd been holding in. "Prince Zuko called you a whore."

Katara's face fell. "He said---what?"

"Well, indirectly, at least. He was talking about how you traveled with two boys, and you probably---uh, you know."

"Had fiery—er, watery, no, _steamy_smex!" Akiko added, smiling.

Katara had reached a boiling point. That _asshole_! She was going to kill him, very slowly and in the most painful manner possible. And to think, she almost _liked_ a guy like him! How _wrong_ she was!

"For one thing, Sokka is my _brother_, and Aang is underaged. Number two, there is no way I would dishonor myself before marriage!" She said, outraged. "Where is that man? I'm going to go give him a piece of my mind…" She trembled, her fists balled up angrily.

Hikari looked at Katara, acting surprised. "He's in a meeting. He'll be there all day."

Katara rolled up her sleeves, her eyes blazing with anger. "Then I suppose I'll just have to _wait_ for that ungrateful brat then, won't I?"

XXX

Jiro, as expected, handled the situation with the delicacy of a dead cat.

"Hey, Prince Zuko, you should do something about that Waterbender chick. She's been talking about you behind your back."

Zuko rolled his eyes. "And?"

"She said you were a jerky asshole who cared about nothing except for himself and deserved to rot in hell, for all she cared." Jiro said.

"_What!_" Zuko growled. "She said that?"

Jiro nodded.

"That—that _peasant_!" He roared. He was _not_ a selfish jerky asshole, thank you very much! He had even helped her! He _could_ have thrown her back into her nasty smelling cell (it still stunk even though the boys cleaned it), but no, he _let_ her stay in the girl's quarters, even after she drugged his crew and tried to escape! Gods, he had thought she was _attractive_, too!

"She also said you had the ugliest damn scar, ever."

Oh, it was _so_ personal, now.

"Where the hell is that water-witch?" He growled, resorting back to name calling for his prisoner. "I'm going to go give that woman a piece of my mind!"

Iroh frowned as he petted Mookie. "That---surprises me, that Katara would say that."

_Don't call her Katara!_ Zuko growled in his mind. _She's stupid waterwitch and peasant, damnit!_

"Even still, you can't figure why she did so until _after_ the meeting, Prince Zuko. Would you care for some tea?"

It was the longest meeting Zuko ever had to endure in his entire life.

XXX

"So, do they not like each other?" Hikari asked Daisuke quietly in the hall.

"I'll be surprised if they ever look at each other in the eye ever again." Daisuke laughed. "At least one of our plans didn't backfire completely in our faces."

Hikari grinned. "And it was my plan, of course."

"Yeah, it was brillant." Daisuke commented. "But I'm not surprised. You're brillant too, Hikari."

She blushed. "You think so?"

"Your _perfect_, Hikari! Your beautiful and smart and clever…"

She blushed harder. "Really? I don't think I'm all that pretty or clever…"

Daisuke grinned. "But you _are_, Hikari. Your perfect. To me, at least."

She leaned in closer to him. "I think your rather perfect myself, Daisuke."

The two were not seen for the rest of the night.

XXX

Katara was tapping her foot on the iron boards of the ship, trying to keep her cool as hard as she could. The waves around the ship we're growing steadily around her, and she was trying her hardest to _not_ let them explode, at least until Zuko showed his cowardly face.

Zuko, likewise, was having a hard enough time in the meeting keeping his cool. The cat had unexplainably caught on fire twice since Jiro had told him was Katara said, and if he didn't control it, they would be having Princess Mookie for supper.

Both of them had never been more relieved when the meeting was finally over and they could meet face-to-face.

"So, you decided to show your face, did you, peasant?" Zuko growled at her on the deck, the two of them alone as the rest of the crew had already gone to bed.

"Your one to talk, _scarface._" Katara insulted. Zuko's blood boiled.

"What the hell is your problem, water witch? I _could_ have treated you a lot worse, you know!" He roared. "You ignorant, pitiful excuse of a waterbender…"

"My **problem**," Katara yelled. "Is _you_!" The ship began rocking as the waves around her flourished. "What selfish, _arrogant, _pathetic noble do you think you are, calling me a whore? I'll have you know, I'd never dishonor myself---"

Zuko blinked. "I never called you a whore."

Katara's eyes blazed. "Don't lie! Hikari told me what you said!"

"I didn't say anything about you," Zuko answered, honestly. "You were the one who said something about me."

Katara's mouth gapped open. "No I didn't! You did!"

Zuko frowned. "Wait, if neither of us said anything about the other…"

"…why did they tell us you did?" Katara added her own curiosity to Zuko's.

"You know, the crew _has_ been acting rather strange since you came here. I thought it was just me, but apparently not." Zuko commented.

Katara scowled. "That's not _my_ fault."

"I never said it was." Zuko said quietly. "But it still brings up the question of _why_ they are acting so strange."

A sudden and strange thought occurred to Katara. It sent her into a fit of giggles.

"What?" Zuko asked temperamentally.

"It's crazy, but they're almost acting like they're trying to break us up or something." She giggled.

Zuko gawked at her. "There's not even an 'us' to break up! Why would they do that?"

She just giggled.

Zuko paused. "Well, I guess that makes sense…I just don't get _where_ they would get that idea."

Katara smiled. "Maybe it's because we're together oh _so_ often."

Zuko smiled as well, playing along with Katara's game. "Maybe it's because of all that great sexual tension we have."

She stepped closer. "Maybe it's because of all the pretty babies we'd make."

This earned a chuckle out of Zuko. "So _true_." He laughed. It was a pleasant sound—Katara had never really heard it before, and if she had, she must not have been paying enough attention to it.

"Not to mention opposites attract." He said, his gold eyes peering deeply into her own. _Did all firebenders have such pretty eyes_? She didn't know---all she could see were his, and that was enough.

When did he get so close? Or when did it go so warm? It had just been an innocent conversation, and yet, here she, his warm breath tingling her skin, and she was sorely tempted to close the space between them.

She closed her eyes softly, as did he, and together they moved just a bit closer to one another, until…

"OH MY GOD!"

It was _ruined._

Someone was going to die, that much was sure.

XXX

:End:

Ooh, a cliffie! I'm evil, I know. :) I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, (mainly because I cannot write romance without occular bleeding occuring), but it does what it's suppose to, and I suppose that's enough.

I'll hope to have the next chapter soon, so don't worry!

Also, brownie points: One line is from jessieheart on LJ, and another is from Penny Arcade. Whoever spots it gets an imaginary cookie.

Jak


	5. Confessions

_Right, I wanted this up sooner, but that didn't happen. Sorry you guys. Enjoy!_

**Chapter Five: Confessions**

And the day had started _so well_ for Jiro, too. He got laid, found his soul-mate, helped Hikari come up with a clever and witty way to Break Up The Not-Couple-But-You-_So_-Know-They're-Going-To-Be, and it actually seemed to _work_ this time.

"OH MY GOD!"

Then Taro opened his big fat mouth, and look where _that_ got them.

Honestly, Jiro could count on all of his fingers and toes and someone else's fingers and toes and _still_ come up with better places to be than in between the venomously angry waterbender with the entire sea at her command in the middle of the night, _with a full moon none the less!_ and the always-temperamental Fire Prince.

Now, instead, he was standing beside Taro, who looked as though his life was about to end (and probably would if the Not-Couple-But-You-_So_-Know-They're-Going-To-Be had their way), and Iroh, who smiled pleasantly as if he planned the whole thing. Probably did, the old General _was_ crafty. The trio was standing dumbfounded, staring back and forth between the Not-Couple-But-You-_So_-Know-They're-Going-To-Be, watching as their tempers flared, though horribly, not at each other.

Jiro gulped. It was moments like this that he wished he were _never_ somber. These were the things that could drive a man to drink. Or maybe even quit drinking, as in Jiro's case, but that probably wasn't likely to happen anytime soon.

"Someone best start talking." The Fire Prince warned. "Or else."

The "Or else" was, of course, accompanied with a pretty show of firelights glowing from the Prince's fingers that threatened bodily harm if no one spoke up. Iroh looked proud.

"Indeed." The water witch glowed; accompanied with an also brilliant display of water whipping splashing about her feet that was awfully threatening looking. Jiro didn't know who he wanted to tick off more –they both looked like they would kill him if given the chance.

So Jiro did what he always did when he was in doubt: he blamed the person next to him.

"IT'S ALL HIS FAULT!"

XXX

Katara winced as she bit her lip helplessly, staring at Zuko rather blank expression and wondering exactly how long it would stay like that.

"I'm sorry." She muttered quietly, hoping he had heard her.

"You knocked my Uncle into a coma." Zuko said rather exasperatedly.

Katara frowned. "I didn't _mean_ to."

"You knocked my Uncle into a coma." Zuko repeated, dumbfounded.

Katara sighed. "Look, _I'm sorry_! I was just so angry…when Jiro said it was his fault…I just sort of…_hit_ him."

Zuko almost smirked. "Hit him with a gigantic wave large enough to knock him into a coma." He said, sounding almost impressed.

"I don't know what else you want me to say." She said tiredly.

"You don't get it, do you?" Okay, now he really _was_ smirking. "You knocked my Uncle into a coma."

"So you've said." Katara muttered, annoyed at the Prince's repetition.

"Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to do that?" Zuko smiled, surprising Katara greatly. "You're my hero."

"He's your Uncle!" Katara attempted to guilt him.

"And?" He asked teasingly. "Fai says he'll be alright, just passed out for a little while…I've wanted to do that for _so _long…"

"I'm oh-so glad I was able to help you, your Highness." She mocked him begrudgingly, crossing her arms sourly. "We still don't know who started those rumors, you know."

"Perhaps not." Said Zuko with a yawn. "But it _is_ late at night, and I'm tired of being angry."

Katara looked at him like he grew an extra head.

"What?"

"You just said…you were tired of being angry." She blinked.

"And?" He replied, stretching.

"You're _always_ angry. It's like a hobby for you or something."

"I'm not always angry!" He growled, feeling his temper rising.

She just stared pointedly, as his he just proved her point.

He growled. "At least I'm not the only one with temper-problems."

Now it was her turn. "I don't have temper-problems!"

He stared at her as she had done to him. She blushed.

"Well, maybe I only have a **little** temper problem…At least I admit it!"

He just laughed at her, and Katara remembered exactly how much she liked his laugh, however rare a thing it was.

"At least I control my temper enough so that I don't knock old men into comas." He turned to look at her, her blue eyes shimmering with mischief. Were her eyes always like this, so big and so blue, like he could get lost in them forever?

"You're never going to let me live this down, are you?" She gave him a small smile, and for a second, he felt his heart race.

"Of course not, you thief." He reminded her of something else he had caught her doing that she wasn't suppose to. She giggled softly.

"Well, Miss Peasant, it's time for you to go to bed." He said, grinning. "I think I'll walk you to your room. Don't want you to escape on me, do I?" _He can be sweet when he wants to, he just doesn't want to admit it._ She thought as she walked beside him, chitchatting about things that didn't matter much to either of them. It was hard to believe this man had once been her sworn enemy, and now she was walking side by side with him, hands _almost_ touching, truly enjoying his company.

What happened?

"Here's the girl's room." She said softly, almost not wanting their little walk to end.

"I suppose it is." He said, thinking much the same as she was.

She smiled softly at him. "Good night, Zuko."

"Good night, Katara."

And as soon as the door closed, Zuko and Katara's world fell apart as they realized something had happened that was oh-so-horrible it was almost unimaginable:

They had _fallen_ _in love_.

Oh ye gods, _what have they done?_

XXX

Jee knew it wasn't going to be good when someone knocked on his door in the middle of the night. He yawned tiredly, stretched, checked himself to make sure he was decent, then opened his door, surprised to see the Fire Prince standing in front of him, looking almost shy.

"Prince Zuko! What are you doing up at this hour?"

The Prince shifted his feet nervously. "Kat—the waterbender knocked my Uncle into a coma, and I don't exactly have anyone else to talk to…Can I talk to you, Jee?" He asked, sounding much like a lost child who had nowhere else to go.

Every fiber in Jee's body told him to slam the door in the Prince's face and go back to bed; it was, of course, some odd hour in the morning, and he had to be up in a few hours, not to mention he wasn't being paid extra to be the Prince's babysitter. He would have, too, except he could hear his wife's voice echoing in the back of his mind, berating him for leaving "that poor, misguided child" all alone in the world.

He knew he was going to regret this once he was completely awake.

"Come on in, Prince Zuko. I'll get some tea going."

XXX

The tea was warm, and it was probably the only thing that was keeping Jee awake. The Prince looked much like a cat in clothes, fidgeting and squirming in his seat as if he was so very uncomfortable.

"What seems to be the problem, Prince Zuko?" Jee asked, sipping his tea in an attempt to stay awake.

"Can I tell you something, Jee? And will you promise not to get mad at me?" The Prince asked, shifting his feet again, not drinking his tea at all.

_I make no such promises so early in the morning._ He thought, but begrudgingly nodded to the Prince. "Of course, Prince Zuko. Your secret's safe with me."

"Really?" The Prince sounded hopeful.

"Of course."

The Prince smiled, taking a small sip of his tea. "You know Kata---the waterbender, right?"

Jee nodded, not liking where this was going one bit. "Yes."

Zuko smiled half-heartedly. "I think I'm in love with her."

Jee spit out his tea, (he couldn't get away by not, could he?) and then did what he had been threatening to do since the beginning of this mess:

He hit the Prince, right square in the jaw.

XXX

Katara sighed, rolling over in her pillow once again.

Hikari frowned. "What seems to be the problem, Katara? You keep fidgeting so much your making _me_ nervous."

"I know, Hikari. I'm sorry. I'll try to go to sleep." She murmured, but it was enough to grab the young girl's attention.

"Not now, you aren't." Hikari grinned. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Alright." Katara smiled softly. "Can you keep a secret?"

Hikari looked at her like she was stupid.

Katara blushed. "Sorry…Well, can you _try_ to keep this a secret?"

"I make no promises based on how gossip-worthy it is."

Katara laughed, smiling almost love-sickeningly. "I think I'm in love with Prince Zuko."

Any and all happiness Hikari might've felt before then vanished in thin air.

"You're kidding me, right?" She blinked.

"No, I'm not." Katara said, mildly amused at Hikari's reaction. "I know it's rather sudden, but I _do_ like him. A lot."

"Tell me you're joking, _please_."

"I'm not joking." Katara said seriously. "I think I love him."

Hikari began grasping at straws. "Even after all those nasty things he said about you."

Katara sighed. "Zuko didn't say those things about me. I know he didn't; who told you that, anyway?"

"Uh, I can't remember." She lied quickly. "Are you sure your in love with him? This isn't just some cruel prank your pulling on me, is it?"

"No, Hikari, I love him." Katara laughed. "What's your problem, anyway?"

"_Why!_" She screamed at her. This was not happening, this was not happening, this was not happening…

It was a plausible question, so Katara took some thought and answered her. "Well, he's sweet, and he has a really nice laugh. He's kind and he's good-looking, and I just love him."

Hikari blinked. "We _are_ talking about the same Prince Zuko, right? The one who _kidnapped_ you, who's spent all this time chasing you and your friends, the one who's insulted you at _every God-given chance!"_

Katara frowned. "You're right…my friend's aren't going to like this, are they?" She stumbled. "I'm sure they'll get use to it…maybe even _like_ him, given enough time…"

XXX

MEANWHILE SOMEWHERE ELSE…

"AH!" Sokka screamed, jumping up.

"Sokka! What's wrong?" Aang asked.

"I just had the most _awful_ dream!" He said, panting. "I dreamed Katara said that I'd start _liking_ Prince Zuko, if given enough time." He shivered coolly. "I'm _getting_ chills just thinking such a horrible thing! Aren't you?"

Aang rolled his eyes before turning back over and getting back to sleep.

Sokka continued shivering. "It's almost like hell froze over…You don't think that's possible, do you, Aang?"

Aang didn't answer him, but a big man in red with horns on his head did. "You bet."

"Who the hell are you?" Sokka asked.

"Doesn't matter." The man said, swishing his pointy tail off the ground. "Say, can I borrow this blanket? It's awfully cold down here."

"Uh, sure." Sokka said, handing the spare blanket to the man in red.

"Thanks." The man said. "Enjoy spending time with your sister's new boyfriend! I'm sure you'll get along _great_." The man in red said, disappearing.

Yep, hell had frozen over.

XXX

BACK TO THE CIRCUS…

"Did it just get really cold in here to you?" Katara asked. Hikari frowned.

"Must be the wind."

"I suppose." Katara said, frowning. "Anyway, like I was saying, I'm sure they could get along," ("THE COLD! THERE IT IS AGAIN!" Sokka screamed. "_Shut up and go to sleep, Sokka!"_) "given enough time."

Hikari sighed. "Your really serious about this, aren't you?"

Now Katara was getting annoyed. "Yes, I'm very serious about this, Hikari!"

"I guess I better start telling you the _truth_, then…"

XXX

"You _hit_ me."

Jee frowned, watching the Prince nurse his cheek painfully. "So very sorry, Prince Zuko. I was just in such _shock_ to hear you say you love a _waterbender_ that I tried to knock some sense into you. I apologize. Now, what is it you wanted to tell me?"

Zuko blinked. "I already said it. I don't know if I want to say it if you're going to hit me again."

"Just looking out for your best interests, Prince Zuko." _And **loving** every minute of it!_

Zuko frowned. "Is it really so wrong of me, then?"

"If you were _planning_ on destroying our nation as a whole, then I suppose not." Jee answered tartly.

Zuko winced. "It's not that bad."

"Yes it is!" Jee yelled. "Because you'll marry her!"

Now it was Zuko's turn to act shocked. "I'll—what?"

Jee winced. "That's what the fortune teller said, at least."

Zuko raised an eyebrow. "Fortune tell---Oh, it was _you_ who started all this mess!" He screamed angrily.

Jee shuttered. "Not me alone, sir."

"Who else?" The Prince glared.

Jee gulped.

"I'm _waiting_, Lt. Jee."

"Jiro." Jee said, thinking of the first name he could think of. "Hikari. Daisuke. Taro. Shen."

"Anyone else?" The Prince asked bitterly.

"Not that I can think of, your highness."

Zuko sighed. "Okay, explain this fortune teller business to me…_Why_ have you been harassing me and Katara so badly?"

XXX

"So," Katara began, listening intently to what Hikari had been telling her. "Aunt Wu said I was going to fall in love with Prince Zuko." That was all right. She'd believe it. After all, she also said she was going to marry a powerful bender, and she knew from experience that Zuko fit that bill _perfectly_.

"That's right." Hikari explained, glad to have this whole mess up front and on the table.

"…Did she _say_ the world was going to end if Zuko and I got married?" Katara asked, frowning.

Hikari blushed. "We think it was sort of an _implied_ thing."

"In other words," Katara added. "She said nothing of the sort, you just _assumed_ that's what she meant."

"Basically, yeah."

Katara grinned. "Zuko's going to get a kick out of this when he finds out."

XXX

:end for now:

A/N: Right, I wanted this chapter up like two days ago. That didn't happen. My power kept going on and off multiple hours of the day, making it difficult to write or post _anything_. But here it is, and I'm happy with it. Not quite as funny as I wanted it to be, but it needed to be written. One last chapter and the epilogue, then this fic will be over with. I've enjoyed it while it's lasted.

Woo-hoo! Almost a hundred reviews! That's flippin sweet!

Also, I'm seventeen today! Yayness!


	6. Bet You Weren't Expecting That

_A/N: For those of you who have asked, there will be two semi-sequels to this fic: **Sokka and Aang's Guide to Rescuing Katara From Evil Fire Bastard Number 249** and **Sokka and Zula's Most Dedicated Attempt Not To Kill Their Siblings (or More Recently Their Children) **If you couldn't already tell, Sokka's going to be the main character in both of them, just because I love him so much._

_Enjoy the last chapter. I've loved writing this fic---really, I did. I'm glad everyone who read it found it enjoyable, and I'm glad I'm not the only one amused at my odd humor. I'm also extremely happy with the number of reviews I've received. I've never gotten more than a hundred reviews before and it makes me squee just thinking about it! I've loved each and every review I've gotten, even the less complimentary ones, because I feel like those help me grow as a writer. _

_Thank you for reading this fic._

_Much love,_

_Jakia_

**Unmatchmakers—Final Chapter**

**Chapter Six: Bet You Weren't Expecting That**

XXX

Contrary to popular belief, Zuko was _not _amused at what Jee had told him.

"And you_ believed_ this woman?"

Jee blushed. "Yes."

Zuko scowled. "I should have you _hanged_ for this!"

"I don't think your Uncle would like that very much. I'm his favorite Pai Sho partner."

Zuko growled. "He can get another one, then!" He then scowled some more, as it was one of his most favorite things to do.

His harsh gaze softened just a bit as he contemplated exactly what Jee had told him. "Do you really think the world is going to end if I marry Katara?" He muttered softly, so much so that Jee had almost not heard him.

It was another turning point for Jee, for his whole entire gut (and that burrito he had for lunch) was telling him to scream "Yes! Yes, the world would end! _For the love of Agni, don't do it!_" And yet, he couldn't find it in him to do so. It was a horrible thing to think about, but it seemed like in the end, Fate was going to have her way.

After all, what kind of cruel and heartless monster would he be to stop true love?

_The smart kind_. He thought as he lied through his teeth: "No, Prince Zuko, I don't believe it would."

"You think I should ask her, then?" Zuko asked quietly.

_No._ "I think you should follow your heart, Prince Zuko."

Zuko gave Jee one of his most rare smiles. "Really?"

_Ye Gods, shoot me now._ "Of course, Prince Zuko."

"Even if there will be a Waterbender on the throne?"

_Your asking for the end of the world, aren't you, boy? _"Well, technically, you haven't captured the Avatar, yet, sir."

Zuko blinked, as if the comment surprised him. "I haven't, have I?"

Jee growled. "No, sir, you haven't."

Zuko grinned. "I best get on that, then." He turned, walking out of the room with a smile on his face and a song in his heart.

Jee blinked.

Then he blinked again, just for good measure.

Right, it was about three o'clock in the morning and he had to be up in a few hours. He blew out his fire and went back to bed, pretending this conversation _never_ happened. If he was lucky, he would wake up in a few hours and realize it was just a really, really weird dream.

XXX

MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE ELSE…

"Well?" Sokka asked slowly and cautiously.

"Well what?" Aang asked, throwing a stick for Momo, who looked at Aang like _Why don't you go get it instead of me_?

"Are we going to rescue Katara yet, or are we just going to forget about her and move on?" Sokka asked, annoyed.

Aang sighed, looked at his wrist before remembering that watches hadn't been invented yet, and then looked at Sokka pitifully. "How long has she been gone?"

Sokka stared at him. "I don't know how long she's been gone! Too long!"

"Make a guess."

"Er," he scratched his head, thinking hard about it. "About a week, I think."

"That's plenty of time for her and Zuko to fall in love, then." He said, putting away Momo's stick. After all, in some fics it happened much quicker. "Come on, let's go rescue Katara."

"I thought that's what we were doing!" Sokka screamed. "How are we even going to _find_ them, anyway?"

"Are you stupid or something?" Aang asked, curiously. "Their ship has been parked around the corner for at _least_ three days."

"And we haven't rescued her yet!" Sokka yelled. "Why not?"

Aang shrugged. "Well, we're rescuing her _now_, aren't we? That counts for something, I think…"

XXX

BACK TO THE CIRCUS…

Hikari woke up first, several hours later, a fact in and of itself that was purely amazing.

It might've had something to do with the fact that she now had a _boyfriend_, but who knew?

She got up, got dressed, and walked out of the room quietly, whistling as she went.

"Hey Taro, do you know where Daisuke is?" She asked after she left the room, yawning as she did.

Taro blushed and almost dropped whatever he was holding. "Uh, I think he's in the kitchen with Jee…Why do you want to know?"

Hikari smiled. "Don't you know? We're _dating_."

Taro's world shattered.

XXX

"_How!_" He screamed, kicking whatever was near him. "I was supposed to get the girl! Not him!"

"It'll be alright, Taro." Shen said softly. "Maybe it was meant to be. After all, the fortuneteller _did_ say…"

"Screw the fortuneteller!" He yelled. "I've had it up to here with that woman! Here we were, minding our own business, then we go and see her and now chaos has happened!" He waved his hand somewhere over his head as he spoke.

Shen sighed. "I'm just hoping she's wrong." He said sadly, slumping up against the wall.

Taro's anger vanished slightly in pity for Shen. "Oh yeah…your wife, she's gonna…"

"Leave me for my sister?" Shen offered. "I know."

Taro winced. "Sucks to be you, man." Was the first thing he thought of saying, before realizing that that it was probably inconsiderate of him and he should pity this man. "I'm…sorry?"

"Don't be." Shen brushed off Taro's apology. "After all, I sort of _knew_ it was going to happen, it just…"

"Hurts?"

Shen smiled. "Yeah, it hurts."

Taro sat down beside him, sighing. "I guess I know how you feel. I just _knew_ Hikari and I were meant to be…To see her with Daisuke just makes my blood boil."

"But Daisuke isn't your sister." Shen said sadly. "And Hikari's not your wife."

Taro put a comforting hand on Shen's shoulder. "It'll get better, I promise."

Shen scowled. "I doubt it."

Taro smiled. "Call it a gut feeling, then." And he left it at that.

XXX

"Everyone, I have an announcement to make." Jiro announced at the mess hall table, standing up and clearing his throat rather professionally-sounding.

"I have decided…to quit drinking."

No one listened to him.

"I'm _serious._" He said solemnly. "I've decided to give up my life of bitterness and uncertainty for a quiet and peaceful life with Akiko."

Still, none listened.

"I'm going to go to the AA meetings and everything!" He looked around curiously, seeing if anyone was listening to him. They weren't.

"Well, crap." He said, picking up his drink and gulping it down. It was quite hard to make a life-long change and commitment if no one cared he did it. He'd quit drinking tomorrow…maybe.

XXX

MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE ELSE…

"Come on, Aang!" Sokka yelled. "Get dressed!"

"Ten more minutes…please?" Aang growled.

"No, we've gotta go rescue Katara from Evil Fire Bastard Number 249! Get up, _now_!"

Aang rolled his eyes. "You keep them numbered?"

Sokka blushed. "And your point is?"

"A bit obsessive, are you?" Aang yawned. "And Zuko is only number 249? How'd _that_ happen?"

"Just…never mind! We gotta rescue Katara!"

XXX

BACK TO THE CIRCUS…

To Jee's horror, Zuko was _singing._

It wasn't that he had a bad voice, oh no, it wasn't that. The Prince actually almost sounded _good_, it was just…

Zuko was _singing._

You cannot fully imagine Jee's horror at this moment. It was like the apocalypse was coming or something. Zuko never _sang_. He never _smiled._ He was never _happy_.

He sure looked like he was now, though.

Unable to form coherent thought, Jee just kind of gapped at Zuko like a fish out of water.

"Oh, good morning, Jee!" Zuko said pleasantly.

Jee just blinked, and contemplated the punishment he would receive if he hit Zuko again. He almost needed it. The boy was getting _far_ out of hand. He needed to stop.

Jee took a whiff of the cologne (Zuko didn't use _cologne_) Zuko was using before he made his decision.

XXX

"What the _hell_ did you hit me for?" Zuko glared, fire erupting in the Prince's fingers. His nice shirt was now wrinkled up. The flowers in his hand were now being used as fuel for the fire in the Prince's hand. His eyes were blaring, and he certainly didn't look like the boy who, just a few seconds ago, was singing.

Jee sighed. It was so _good_ having Prince Zuko back to normal.

"I'm sorry, Prince Zuko, but if you wouldn't keep _scaring_ me like that I wouldn't have to hit you."

"Scare you!" Zuko screamed, the fire in his hands growing greatly in size. "I'll _burn_ you, next time!"

Jee winced. "It was just—you were _singing._"

Zuko blushed, the fire in his hand dimming just slightly. "And? Is it against the rule for me to sing?"

Jee ignored him. "Your hair…it's _shiny_. Well, shinier than normal."

Zuko patted his topknot bashfully. "What's wrong with my hair?"

"And you…smell like cheap cologne."

"It's not cheap!" Zuko growled. "I paid top dollar for this stuff!"

"And you were dressed nicely and had flowers!" Jee yelled.

"What's wrong with the flowers? You think there a bit much?" Zuko asked nervously.

"YOU HAVE FLOWERS!" Jee's eye twitched slightly. "Well, you _had_ flowers…"

"I was just trying to impress Katara. Is that so wrong?"

Jee winced. "You're trying---a little _too_ hard, I think."

Zuko rubbed the back of his head quietly. "How long 'til Uncle's up and about, you think?"

Jee wrapped his arm around the poor boy, finally getting used to his wife-giving-him-death-threats-in-the-back-of-his-mind. "Too long. Here, I'll help you a bit."

XXX

THAT EVENING…

There was a soft knock at her door, so quietly that Katara barely heard it. She had spent most of the day hidden away in the female quarters of the ship, patiently avoiding Zuko. She wasn't avoiding him on _purpose_…well, maybe she was. She just wasn't sure what to _say_. Now that she was aware of her feelings towards Zuko, and Hikari's declaration (however foolish it might be) of the end of the world, she wasn't sure _how_ to react around him. Before it had been so easy—just insult him and get on with life.

But now that she liked—no, loved him? It was damn near impossible.

_What if Hikari's right?_ She thought sadly. _What if we fall in love and then the world ends?_

_Impossible_. She chided herself. Besides, they were in love now, and the world hadn't ended yet, had it?

_But what if he doesn't _love_ you?_ Her conscious begged. She gulped. She wouldn't let her mind go as far as to think that.

She opened the door, and all other previous doubts vanished.

It was Zuko.

He was dressed nicely, but not overly so, and there were a few handpicked roses in his hand. He was smiling shyly at her, and she couldn't help but notice a whiff of some odd-smelling cologne.

"Hey Katara." She swooned.

"Zuko!" She blushed, patting her messy braid furiously. "What are you—"

"Here." He said shy, handing her the roses. "I got these for you." His face had become the same brilliant shade of red as the flowers in her hands.

"Oh." She said quietly, taking in the roses smell. They were beautiful. She petted them lightly before setting them down on a table next to the door.

"I had more, but, uh…" His face was turning redder by the moment. "I 'lost' them."

"They're perfect." She murmured, not quite looking him in the eye.

"I'm glad you like them." He smiled at her again. There was an uneasy silence for a moment.

"Would you---like to take a walk with me?" He asked bashfully.

She blinked. _Don't do it, Katara._ Part of her mind argued with her, but then her heart took over from there.

"Of course." She said near silently, playing with her braid in a desperate attempt to make it look decent.

As she left the room for her and Zuko's "walk", she had only one last thought:

_Sokka's going to kill me._

XXX

"…So I take it you've heard about the whole 'fortuneteller' mess by now, huh?" Zuko asked softly, after they had already begun walking for a few minutes.

"Yeah," she said friendly. "I mean, how crazy can you get?"

"I know!" He said, laughing. _I love his laugh._ She thought again. "Crazy."

"Madness." She agreed.

"Absolute foolishness." He summarized for her. "I mean, would you believe they believed some crazy old lady told them the world was going to end just because we fell in lov—" He stopped, a familiar crimson color returning to his cheek as he meekly finished "love."

"Crazy indeed." She murmured, her heart not in it as much as it was before.

All was still and quiet once more.

"Well, maybe not so crazy." He said, under his voice where she could barely hear him. "The fortuneteller…wasn't _completely_ wrong."

Katara's heart stopped. She wasn't hearing this—she couldn't---he didn't---

He _loved_ her, too, maybe?

"What was she right about?" She asked, terrified of his answer, stepping just a bit closer to him, to the point where their noses _almost_ touched.

"_This_." He said, wrapping his arm around her. What happened next was merely a blur to both of them, as their lips met in the quiet of twilight---the moment when the sun and moon met for the first time in peaceful and loving harmony.

Then the world ended and they all died.

Bet you weren't expecting that.

…

No, I'm serious.

They all _died._

…

Everyone did! Sokka, Aang, the Cabbage Man, the Gay Pirate, King Bumi, Aunt Wu…they're all _dead._

…

Stop giving me that look! I told you it was going to happen! Hell, it says it in the fricking summary! Don't act so shocked.

…

What are you doing still reading? There's a review button right there. No need to read anymore.

…

You aren't getting me to change my ending.

…

Nope, no matter how many sad little-puppy eyes you give me, my ending is staying the same. The crew was right—and now they're all _dead_ because they _failed._

…

Stop it. I mean it.

…

_Fine!_ I'll give you an alternate ending, since you begged so much…

Click for the "alternate" ending, if you must.

_Losers._

_/sarcasm. Please read the next chapter for explanation_


	7. Alternate slash Real Ending and Epilogue

_A/N: Right, if anyone actually believed the end of the last chapter, you seriously need to get your head check. I was just joking with you, because I'm an evil bitch that way. So sorry, I had to do it._

_Here's the real "alternate" ending, as well as an Epilogue. Hope you enjoy!_

_Jakia_

**Unmatchmakers— Alternate Ending/Epilogue**

As fate would have it, several different things happened in that moment. Things that did not signify the end of the world, but it might've, if you paid enough attention.

For example, Iroh had woken up from his coma mere seconds ago, and had walked outside to see the sunset just as Zuko and Katara kissed. He got a front row seat to the whole show, actually.

He just smiled, watched, and petted Mookie, all while thinking one pleasant thought: _Grandbabies. I'm going to have a mountain of grandbabies if I let them keep this up._

He, of course, did nothing to stop them.

XXX

Halfway across the world, Ozai had a small heart attack.

"Sir, are you alright?" One of his servants asked.

"I think so." Ozai said quietly, holding his hand to his heart. For some reason, he could almost _see_ his son through his mind's eye. It was a disturbing thought—a waterbender on the throne. "I just had a crazy idea that Zuko was going to marry a waterbender. Imagine how foolish he'd be!" He tried to laugh at himself.

He could not, however, shake the feeling that something was horribly wrong.

XXX

On the other half of the world, Kota, Katara's father, was having a small heart attack of his own.

"Are you alright, Kota?" Bato asked his old friend.

"I think so." Kota said, holding his hand to his heart. For some reason, he could almost _see_ his daughter through his mind's eye. It was a disturbing thought---Katara with a firebender. "I just had a crazy idea that Katara was going to marry a Firebender! Imagine how foolish she'd be!" He tried to laugh at himself.

Bato laughed. "Good one, Kota."

He could not, however, shake the feeling that something was horribly wrong.

XXX

Another sign that fate was working was the fact that Aang and Sokka landed on Zuko's ship right at that particular moment.

"Quick question…" Sokka asked tirelessly. "If their ship was just 'right around the corner', why the hell did it take us all day to get here?"

"Uh," Aang said, trying to think of a quick excuse on his feet. "Slight detour?"

Sokka believed it.

Then he saw Aang's jaw drop, so he turned and looked to see what it was.

His brain exploded.

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY BABY SISTER, RIGHT NOW YOU PERVERTED---" Aang whacked him upside the head, knocking him unconscious.

Zuko and Katara parted, then looked to Aang with a mix of shock and gratefulness.

Aang shrugged. "Hey, _you're_ going to have to explain it to him when he gets up. I just figured I'd give you a few more hours to come up with a clever story." He shrugged, then walked over to Iroh and began petting Mookie.

"Wait---" Katara asked him, a bit scared and excited at the same time. "So your—okay with me and Zuko?"

"Of course I am." Aang said, holding Mookie. "This has to be the most clichéd plot there is, and I'm _always_ okay with it in the fics."

"What are you talking about?" Zuko asked curiously, wrapping his arm around Katara.

Aang rolled his eyes. "Don't you guys ever read _fanfiction?_"

**THE END**

_A/N: but wait! There's more! What happened to everyone afterwards, you may want to know…_

**Jiro and Akiko**

Jiro, as it was, _did_ give up drinking, from which, he became a Fire Nation priest. This lasted roughly a week. Akiko then came and threatened to divorce him if he didn't stop this and act like his normal drunken self again. When he pointed out that they weren't married so she couldn't divorce him, she suggested that the remedy that fact quickly.

The two are now happily married, living in the South Pole across from Gran-Gran, who, per chance, made the best Sake either of them ever had.

Kana, as it was, became filthy sticking rich off of the two and eventually opened up her own liquor store from the inspiration she got from Jiro and Akiko.

**Daisuke and Hikari**

Shortly after returning home, Daisuke proposed to Hikari nearly immediately. They are now on their third daughter, and are expecting twins in a couple of months.

**Sokka and Aang**

Sokka never really got over the fact that his sister was dating a Firebender, but eventually got use to the idea and stopped sending Zuko death threats via the mail. This incident, however, did bump Zuko from number 249 to 211 on Sokka's Fire Bastard list, which Zuko is very proud of and still wonders how he's only number 211 and not higher on the list. Sokka still refuses to answer who the first two hundred and ten are.

He and Aang, through their adventurous week they had all by themselves, became very close. _Very _close. _Very, very _close, if you want to stick your perverted minds deep in that gutter. It didn't last, though, as Aang noticed Sokka staring at the moon one night, and became extremely jealous, crying that Sokka didn't love him and was still in love with Yue.

They broke it off after that. Sokka went back to Suki, where the two of them lived happily ever after for roughly two months before she broke up with him for the same reason Aang did. Aggravated, he screamed at her that he didn't love Yue anymore and he wished people would stop accusing him of it.

This, of course, made Yue _really_ mad, who then used her Goddess powers and turned Sokka into a fish. Zuko and Katara left him that way for about two years before they decided that they needed a babysitter, so they asked a witch to turn him back. She did, and he returned almost-entirely back to normal (his belly is still a little scaly, but that was all.).

He now spends most of his days doing one of two things: A) babysitting his nieces, or B) hanging with Zula, his sister by marriage, coming up with wacky ways to kill off their siblings and/or evil nieces. She became Obligary Evil Fire Bitch number 13, and he still won't tell her who the first twelve are.

Aang, since he was the Avatar, had access to things from the future that he would use when he was reborn. That's how he knew what fanfiction was. He spent the rest of his days writing crappy fanfiction and/or posting horrible flames on _good_ fanfiction, mainly because he was jealous of their awesome writing skillz.

**Iroh (and Mookie)**

After returning home, Iroh started a new foundation, which he called POF---Pimping For Old Folks. He was a very large success, and even gained his own fanbase. (Jun was President). His business ended, however, whenever he started getting complaints about his products not working from Pakku. When Iroh tried to tell him that he was just too much of an ugly and sour old man, Pakku sued him, thus ruining Iroh's business.

Mookie remained with Iroh for the rest of her life, occasionally going across the street to play with Zuko and Katara's kids, who loved her, and to annoy Sokka the Fish, whom she wanted to eat. She also came over because she liked making Zuko sneeze.

**Shen**

Shen's wife did, in fact, leave him for his sister, but having enough time to know she was going to do it and getting encouragement from the rest of the crew, left her for _her_ sister, which ended happily for Shen in the end. (which was good, because the author kinda forgot he existed halfway through the fic.)

**Jee and Taro**

Jee did as the fortuneteller had asked, and took Taro under his wing. When they returned home, Jee offered to go to Taro's grandfather and tell him how good of a soldier Taro had become. Along the way, they ran into Jee's daughter, who, of course, fell in love with Taro at first sight. Taro returned her feelings, and Jee wanted to puke. They married promptly, and Jee finally had grandbabies, which made up for the fact that he still hated Taro and wanted him to die a slow, horrible, painful death for stealing away Jee's only baby girl.

**Ozai and Kota**

Ozai was overthrown by the Avatar and insert your own favorite idea for the series ending here. Rather than killing him, they let Ozai live. He and Kota share the same hospital bed, where they argue and fight and have small heart attacks they receive from their kids and occasionally gush over how cute their grandbabies are. (but don't tell anyone about that.)

**Zuko and Katara**

Zuko and Katara, in fact, did get married. No, the world didn't end. Zuko took his father's place on the throne, and Katara became the first Fire Lady ever who was from the Water Nation. They lived happily ever after, stopping occasionally to save the world or something along that effect.

They ended up with three children all together: Kimi and Kita, two beautiful twin girls-- one was a Firebender and one was a Waterbender, of course.

Their son, Koda, was the Avatar, but that's a whole nother story all together.

**_THE REAL END_**

_A/N: Thank you everyone for reading this! I do appreciate all the reviews I've received for this fic, and I love you all. Thank you._

_Now I'll go work on Maybe or even a one of the sequels._

_Speaking of which, which sequel would you prefer to come first? **Sokka and Aang's Guide to Rescuing Katara From Evil Fire Bastard Number 249 **or **Sokka and Zula's Most Dedicated Attempt Not To Kill Their Siblings (or More Recently Their Children)**. I'll do both eventually, I'd just like to know which one you guys like better._

_Thank you again._

_Jakia_


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